For the last 11 weeks I have been immersed in an energetic class, all about processing trauma, embracing your sensual, feminine energy, really becoming in tune with your own unique body.
When I signed up for this class at the end of last year, I was not sure of my draw to the class, honestly, I was quite scared to take it. My intuition was guiding me that I needed to be a part of this class, so I did. These 11 weeks have taken me on one of the hardest journeys inward that I have every experienced. It has made me confront shadows I did not know I had, showed me things from my lineage, my ancestors that needed to be healed for not only me but the lineage that I am a part of. Most recently it has transported me back to a past life, that has given me so much clarity within the present moment.
I have written about my children before, specifically the health struggles. I have also shared my health journey, specifically being sick as a teen. I never saw this as "trauma" I simply saw it as something that we needed to experience to rectify the situation. The way the medical industry can save our lives is nothing less than outstanding. I have seen it firsthand with my daughter. I have also experienced this with myself. What I did not connect until this week was the emotional scars, the trauma that our body holds when we experience medical procedures. I say this with great caution as, again I am so extremely thankful for the amazing doctors and nurses that have played roles in mine and my family's life. I just could not believe the amount of connection and release I experienced this week as I released years of stored energetic trauma from my body.
I am a firm believer that healers need healers too, just because I am an intuitive energy healer does not mean that I have mastered healing. It actually could not be further from the truth. I have been going deep into the shadows of myself, uncovering and healing pieces of me to help me guide and hold space for each and every one of the clients that I work with. By me working on me, I am strengthening my intuition, my gifts to help you see and embrace yours.
Okay, back to this week. This week I participated in a group meditation, breathwork session with my class. This experienced transported me into a past life and helped me connect and release energy that I was carrying in the present moment. Past life sessions are something that I do offer, but I do not publicly advertise, when people come to me asking for this, is when I will facilitate a session. After my experience this week, I feel even more connected to help others release the energy and lessons to embody the strength that our souls have.
After this session I wrote in my journal, and I feel compelled to share my journal entry with you. This entry begins as my soul's experience within a past life and connects in the challenges/fears that I have been carrying in my present life. This is a very vulnerable journal entry, and it does have reference to raw emotions surrounding childbirth, surgery & breastfeeding.
"Today I was transported into a past life, even though this life is in the past, the raw power lives inside of me today. It is my soul. It is my core being. It is me.
I am a medicine woman. I am dressed in bare skin. I have a bear cloak over my head. The bears head crowns my crown like the queen that I am. The fur cloak embodies my warmth, my protection from the elements. I am beauty. I am sensual. I am the embodiment of a queen. My name in this present lifetime is Gina- this means Queen. Nothing is a coincidence.
I am here to help others, each soul I welcome into my circle, I embrace them with nourishment of my medicine. See, my medicine is helping them find theirs. I protect them with my kindness, I surround them with love. I provide them a safe place to see themselves.
Today we are in ceremony, deep in the center of the woods. The atmosphere is dark, not dark from being night, dark from the protection of the trees. The space is sacred. The space is eternal, raw & powerful. There is a fire burning, igniting the fire with us, burning away all that is no longer needed.
I am at the center of the sacred space. I am surrounded by others, all unique souls, all ready for their medicine. What they do not know is that their medicine is already flowing inside of them. This is not the medicine that I give them. This is simply the medicine that they give themselves.
It is the fire, the eternal flame that ignites the fire in each one of them.
I am fire.
Fire is me.
I welcome in each soul in placing the crown of flames on top of each of their heads, this flame radiates inside of them, showing them, themselves, their gifts, I do not give them gifts, I simply provide the light for them to see & step into the authenticity of who they are.
They are the ones that fuel their light within.
Just like you need to light the match to ignite the fire. I am simply the match → they are the fire they are the fire within.
I hold two flame torches in each hand. I ignite the way. I am the light of the dark path. I am me. I allow my light to shine. This light helps them nourish their own flame.
I am a piece of safety. I am protection as they learn and grow. When it is time, I take a step back, and allow them to lead. It is not my light that they need, it is their light that will guide them home. They have found their medicine. They have learned that they were never broken, they just needed a light to find the missing piece.
Today I took back my power. I am no longer scared. I have transmuted my fear into power. I have unconsciously felt weak because I did not “birth” my children. Specifically, my son, my oldest. I tried so hard. I pushed and pushed, and I could not do it. I was weak. I was exhausted. I needed help. I needed the doctor to cut me open, to tear back the skin of my stomach, use a knife and slice me open to rescue my son into his existence. Because I was too weak to bring the manifestation of the dream that I have had for as long as I could remember to life.
Did this mean I would not be a good mother?
This is why I am so scared for my children to grow up. I always want to protect them. Because I was too weak to birth them. I am compensating in different ways.
I could not breast feed my babies because my body did not produce milk. What kind of mother was I? I was too weak to birth them, and now they are here, and I cannot support them with food, the nutrients that my body is supposed to naturally make. I am broken. I am scared. I am a failure.
What I now know and understand is asking for help is a strength , producing a safe environment for my babies to grow is invaluable. I have helped them. I have taught them how to use their skills, their gifts, their light, their uniqueness. It is now time for me to call my light back and allow their light to guide them on their paths.
I am simply a light, I am helping others see what they have always had within themselves, allowing them to shine their light as they create their path.
I am the bear. I am allowing my cubs to grow up and they will always know that I am here. I am the sanctuary when they need to rest. I am the place where they can always be themselves. When life gets hard and we stumble our footing, I am here.
I am the shelter from the storm. I am here to help others AND I allow others to hold that same place for me. I am strong when I ask for help. Asking for help is a strength not a weakness.
Gina Marie you are the most amazing soul, you are writing your story, and you are being so brave. You are the light. Even in your darkest moments you will always be the light. I love and I am so insanely proud of you. Now let's do this. Let's birth this life that you have been dreaming of into fruition.
The best is yet to come."
Connecting a memory of a past life, to my present moment life has opened my eyes. Another layer has been released. I never thought of my emergency c-section as trauma. I simply saw it as after 21 hours of labor, this is what was needed for my safety and my son's safety. Everything I wrote was emotions, thoughts, feelings that I unintentionally trapped and stored in my body for the last 19 years. Those feelings, that pain, that experience has now been released, through a combination of different energy healing modalities.
Being the light, in my past life experience has helped me connect so much more to my present self. In human design, I am a generator, however I am a unique generator. I create energy and when I am lit up, I am fueling myself and those around me.
However, with only having 2 defined centers, I have the ability to FEEL and MIRROR others, this is what came up in my past life regression. I am the light; I help others see the gifts that they have always had. I can feel where the energetic blocks are, and I can help you see deep within your shadows to release what you need to release. Even though I have known this piece about me, I feel like I have stepped even more so into my power this week. I have become the next level version of me.
I feel different, more at peace, calmer. I feel as if my overactive brain has calmed down a bit and allowing myself and my energy to live in the present moment. In my chart, I have the "fear of what if's" this is something that can control my life if I allow it, I feel more in partner with this fear (yes, your human design can tell you your fears!). I am excited to see where life is taking me next. I know to keep following my passions, my nudges, and I am meant to keep shining my light, for myself, for my family and for everyone that crosses my path.
There is only one quote that is fitting enough to end with today-- I am sure you know what it is.... " The best is yet to come"
xo, Gina Marie
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